Well… really? I’m here. Waiting. But the BEST news is this: there are only 6 more days until the Chicklet arrives! THANK GOD! I think I have found a way in the River of Denial these last few torturous weeks of waiting for her to travel once we had her travel date. I am still dumbfounded by why the travel arrangements took so long to make – but I shouldn’t complain. I have travel dates for my baby and I know other adoptive families are in the midst of Waiting-HELL, a place when you have no dates, no deadlines, and no information. Waiting-HELL is over; but the waiting is still here.
I’m sorry I have not been posting as much as I would have liked to. You see, life in the Gobsmacked household has gotten busy. Today is my last day teaching (next week is Spring Break) and it is like “Finals Week” with all of the grading, lesson planning, preparation for my long-term sub, notes for my students, letters of recommendation writing, etc. It’s manic, to be sure, but I manage to find time to tell each individual student in my classes (all 145 of them) why I have loved and enjoyed them so this year in class. It was great to walk through the class, shake hands with each student and tell them what gifts they have brought to our class and me, in particular. I’m amazed I could do it without getting teary. I love my job and my students… AND I have a tendency to cry at good, sappy Hallmark commercials – so heck! I thought for SURE that I would break! But nope, I was good.
I feel badly about taking a break from blog writing. Truly, this is a personal outlet. NOT a venture for a earning money nor a career change (although I’m proud of my fellow GF bloggers who have brought so much to our community through their professional writing contributions etc). This is not the job I want. I want to blog because I love to reflect on life this way. It’s peaceful, actually. Taking time to sit and write about the things we have cooked or baked together as a family and sharing recipes and life with you all.
In March, I turned 40 years old. FORTY! Who knew time could fly so fast? I certainly don’t look “forty” (whatever that looks like!). I remember thinking how OLD forty was when I was in high school. I don’t feel the way that I anticipated at forty. In fact, I think I rather enjoy it. And I’m looking forward to 50!
For my 40th birthday, my family (Mom/Dad and sister from MN) flew in to celebrate with me. One of my two sisters lives here and she hosted a party for family and friends. It was nice to have some adult time with my teaching friends. (Thanks, family, for the fun!) We had veggies trays, hummus… and well, to be honest – too much food! It was lovely.
My Love and I spent time with my parents on Tuesday evening. It was lovely just to have some time with the two of them. My mom was talking to me about dinner and eating. We had a heart to heart about how sometimes being on a special diet makes things complicated; especially emotionally. My family is grand. They like to do things on the fly and just plan to “grab something” as they are hungry. What is difficult for me is that sometimes this “grabbing” means stopping for sandwiches, pizza, etc. All things I can’t just “grab”.
I explained this to my sweet Mom who told me that no one minds that I don’t eat what they eat. I think I was finally able to explain that it wasn’t about not eating the same thing; it’s about the emotionally feeling excluded from the fold. Not being able to “grab a bite” wherever we are means having to plan ahead when everyone else isn’t. It means having to figure out what I can/cannot eat from whatever menu or location we land at on the fly. It means grilling waitstaff of the minutia of the salad ingredients and STILL getting croutons or tortilla strips or BREAD ROLLS served on top of whatever could have been gluten free but is now most definitely not.
Sometimes the internal emotional well that I feel in these social situations is overhwhelming and it makes me quite melancholy or withdrawn. Sometimes I get irritated at the lack of consideration for the fact that MAYBE, just MAYBE I don’t *want* to eat a plain salad someplace again. And then there are other times when I feel like baggage or a burden or a pain or .. well… like I just don’t want anyone to notice. So, in my own self-protective way, I plan ahead and plan again to make sure that I have access, people understand why I’m vigilant and I can not have blood sugar bounces that create a crabby-Kate.
Now that I’m planning for the same even blood sugar for the Chicklet (packing snacks and healthy foods in to diaper bags and figuring out access to “emergency”/”feed the baby NOW” foods), I’m realizing just how much MORE important these past few years of planning ahead practice are going to be for me.
Yes, I know my schedule is about to change dramatically for the better (or even for the stinky diapers). Now, I need to plan and plan again. No one needs a Crabby-Mommy-Kate because I am stuck eating the six pieces of iceburg lettuce that I found listed as a “salad” on some menu somewhere. So, I’m packing ahead for myself as well.
- What do you have on hand for yourself?
- How do you handle this emotional divide that can sometimes creep in thanks to our separate diets?
- What do you do when you have no control over the what, where, how and when of eating in your life?
I’m off to finish grading more papers. Maybe I will finish by Monday.
I’d better. I have more important things to worry about!
After all, I have a BABY coming!!!!!!
Happy GF Eating, All!